shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
