he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
