I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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