i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
