he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
