I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
