Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
