i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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