I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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