Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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