I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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