...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
