Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
