idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
