Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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