just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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