It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
