hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
