I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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