I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this is an emotional support booty call
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
