Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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