I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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