I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
