i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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