Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.