He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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