dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?