she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes