what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.