An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner