That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The best revenge is premature balding
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.