Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.