You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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