It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
