I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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