I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
