So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
