so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
