There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
