i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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