My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
