just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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