peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
