My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
