You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
