he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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