i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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