i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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