if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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