If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
