I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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