And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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