i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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