I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
