So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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