Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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