I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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