i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
