I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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