So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
