Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
