I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize