I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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