Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize