last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
