I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
