Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
