Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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