What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
