There was a lot of him and a little penis
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize