kristin has been a bad kristin
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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