I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize