I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
