the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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